Imagine Me Gone by
Adam Haslett
My rating:
5 of 5 stars
I found this to be a powerful voice of depression and anxiety and the effect it has on other family members. Beautifully written and characters deeply drawn, I found it incredibly moving and revealing. This is fiction at its finest. I often feel defensive reading fiction because others view it as an entertainment, but this is one of the works that you can point to as the reason fiction is important: there could be no other way to wear the skins of all these characters and understand their multiple motivations and effects on each other. I felt like I understood mental illness better and the struggle to live with it both as a patient and as someone close to the person who suffers. It is a tear-jerker, but I found the love of this family hopeful and uplifting as well. (Full disclosure: some swearing and sex)
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The grass is intensely green, the scrub-apple trees by the road past blooming, on into their pure summer verdancy, along with the rhododendron and the lilac, their flowers gone, their leaves fat with sun. The air smells of the fecund soil--the flesh covering the skull of the planet, the muck from which the plants rise, busy in the mindless life of heat.
I've since read about Norwegian reindeer that simply stop moving in winter; they call it arctic resignation.
Most all of who they are now was there then. They trace themselves no further back than adolescence because that's when they begun getting their ideas. But so much of them has nothing to do with all that. They are their natures.
There it is, as pictured. But without the perspective of distance it was suddenly unfamiliar.
I left them here to suffer and now he is gone. The one sequence. Like a groove on a record cut too deep for the needle to climb out of. No matter what else is playing, this is always playing. That is the point of volume--to play something louder than this groove. The volume of speakers, or of obsession. The power of the sufficient dose.
I had never understood before the invisibility of a human. How what we take to be a person is in fact a spirit we can never see. Not until I sat in that room with the dead vehicle that had carried my brother through his life, and for which I had always mistaken him.
Michael, who never stopped trying to want what we wanted for him. How could he? We're not individuals. We're haunted by the living as well as the dead. I believed that before. But now I know it's true.