Supercommunicators

 

Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection by Charles Duhigg
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

This is probably more like 3 stars because a lot of the information is self-evident like: to make a person feel like you are interested in them, be interested in them (basically). And a lot of the case studies where deep communication occurred that is cited in the book happened when both parties knew certain rules, and most conversations occur with people who don't know the rules. But it did have some really good questions to ask (both in conversations, and of yourself before and during the conversation). And it actually said NOT to parrot back what the person said which is my most hated thing people do. A worthwhile read because we could all use pointers on trying to understand each other.

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Negotiation, among its top practitioners, isn’t a battle. It’s an act of creativity.

When we discuss our feelings, something magical happens: Other people can’t help but listen to us.

act of exposing ourselves to someone’s scrutiny engenders a sense of intimacy.

which says that communication requires recognizing what kind of conversation is occurring, and then matching

We laugh, in other words, to show someone that we want to connect with them—and our companions laugh back to demonstrate they want to connect with us, as well.

if you don’t acknowledge the emotions, then you’ll never understand why you’re fighting,”

This is the real reason why so many conflicts persist: Not because of a lack of solutions or because people are unwilling to compromise, but because combatants don’t understand why they are fighting in the first place.

This explains why looping for understanding is so powerful: When you prove to someone you are listening, you are, in effect, giving them some control over the conversation.

In a Who Are We? conversation, we sometimes latch on to a single identity: I am your parent or I am the teacher or I am the boss. In doing so, though, we hobble ourselves, because we start to see the world solely through that one lens.